he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
