How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
