I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
