Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
