Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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