I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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