What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I didn't notice because vodka
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
