Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This is the high leading the old right now
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
