Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
