Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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