I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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