if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
