Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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