Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
