Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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