God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm passing your future prison.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
