I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
