We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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