just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
