Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
