but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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