Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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