how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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