I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
