I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
