I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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