My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sober January is a disaster.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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