To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
