24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
