in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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