haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
