I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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