Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
