I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
