If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
