If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
