If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
