i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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