i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
