I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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