It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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