She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
