We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
