Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
