This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
