If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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