THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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