Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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