Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
