My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
