I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
