Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
