Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
