You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
