i barfeds in our rink
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
