Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
