do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
