I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
